Zoe Zannos’ Guide to Finding Meaningful Connection Wherever You Are
Words: Karissa Simchick | Guide: Zoe Zannos
Zoe Zannos is living every post-grad’s dream: traveling across Europe and collecting friendships as they go. As a content creator known for cooking with people they meet on dating apps, Zoe’s life feels worthy of a television contract — one rivaling culinary travel legends like Stanley Tucci and Anthony Bourdain.
Unlike the romanticised male wanderer archetype, however, the focus of Zoe’s Cook Me Something Nice series is less on geography and more on human connection, regardless of where they are in the world. Whether sharing goulash with newfound internet besties in Budapest or complimenting a stranger on the streets of Prague, their message is simple: meeting new people is easier than you think, and meaningful connection doesn’t require extraordinary circumstances.
Embarking on a new chapter in their ongoing food date chronicles this summer, Zoe wants you to know it only takes a blip of courage and an authentic hello to make a new friend. Here’s Zoe Zannos’s guide to finding meaningful connection wherever you are.
Start Small
I've recognised what I'm doing is quite an extreme version of connection. I wouldn’t tell someone to go sign up for a dance class and then speak to everyone in the dance class — that’s getting ahead of ourselves. But, if you start small in your everyday life, you’ll find it’s much easier to approach people and initiate a connection than you think.
Every day I have this contract with myself: when I'm out in public, if I find myself thinking a compliment about someone, I have to go and tell them. It’s mandatory, even when incredibly inconvenient. I have to go and tell them whether it means walking across the floor of the airport, standing in front of a group of five friends, risking embarrassment, risking a language barrier, whatever it may be. If I have to pull my phone out and Google Translate, I have to do it every single time. It’s such a small thing, but you never know what can come out of simply taking the time to say something nice to a stranger. You were already thinking it, so why not think it out loud?
Take The 10 Seconds Of Courage
Recognize your free will and use it to your advantage. Every single time I reach out to a stranger I have a moment of doubt and fear and I almost don't do it.
What I've found is that doing the thing is the only way to bust the myth that it's hard to do it. It sounds generic, but it can be a little bit like a video game: you have the choice and the free will to do whatever you want. By swallowing your fear you end up building courage, and it only takes 10 seconds to make the decision and just go for it. I prove my point every single time because people are a lot nicer and accessible than we perceive them to be. I think screens have really distorted our perception of that.
Let Yourself Be Wrong About People
I don't believe in the concept of zero judgment. I don’t think this is a way of life that people can adopt. Humans are judgmental creatures. Every single person in the world has judgments whether they're positive or negative.
Yet it’s always interesting to ask yourself what judgments you do have: what perceptions or stereotypes or assumptions do you have about people? Allow yourself to be surprised by them, then go out of your way to interact and connect with these kinds of people.
Maybe you think you wouldn't get along with a woman who looks really stern and grumpy and unapproachable and unfriendly, then you give her a compliment and you’ll find yourself having a wonderful chat and overall really lovely interaction. Since I’ve started this project I’ve been caught off guard by people’s openness and generosity more times than I can count. It’s very moving, but you have to be willing to let yourself be moved.
Talk As If You’re Already Friends
When you’re interacting with someone new, talk to them as if you’re already friends. Laugh the way you would with a friend. Crack the kinds of jokes you’d make with someone you already know.
I always think about being in an elevator with a group of older women who’ve reached that point in life where they’ll turn to a stranger without hesitation and say, “Oh my god, did you see that woman’s hair? Wasn’t it so long?” The moment someone speaks to you that casually, you immediately relax and start to open up.
Talking to someone the way you would talk to a friend creates that same feeling. It allows your body to relax and fosters a mutual sense of comfort. When you feel comfortable being yourself, you create space for someone else to do the same, and that’s when deeper connection becomes possible.
Do An Activity Together
Connection can be made less daunting by how you choose to connect with someone. Depending on the scenario, find an activity to do together. Go to a concert, sign up for a ceramics class, or play a game (We’re Not Really Strangers is fantastic). Anything to buffer your nerves and stimulate conversation.
Personally, cooking is the perfect activity for me because you have to work as a team and there is a tangible outcome to make together and figure out together. It’s such a simple and genuine way to be able to connect in an everyday setting.
Put Yourself Out There As Often As You Can
Every time you put yourself out there, whether it’s talking to a stranger on the bus, complimenting someone on the street, or going on a date with someone you wouldn’t normally choose, you increase your chances of meaningful connection.
It can be as small as asking someone at the wine shop for a recommendation, or as big as going to a concert or taking a class alone. The more you practice, the more natural, and liberating, it becomes. You’ll garner a powerful confidence realising that connecting with new people is far less daunting than it seems, and that some of the most wonderful conversations, friendships, and experiences are already right where you are, waiting for you to challenge your fears, take back the reins of your free will, and simply talk to people.
