Words: Jenn Lehwald | Guide: Delilah Holliday
Delilah Holliday is on a quest for peace and truth. From her beginnings in feminist punk band Skinny Girl Diet to her solo work confronting inequality, financial disparity and the current state of the world, she’s always used music to challenge the status quo. Her forthcoming album, Fat Cat, draws on punk, industrial and electronic influences, reflecting her belief that art should take inspiration from the world around us rather than be confined to one genre.
But protecting her peace has also meant learning what to leave behind. After a lifetime of people pleasing, Holliday is setting firmer boundaries and embracing a life that doesn’t need to be shared online. Whether it’s recognising red flags in relationships, stepping away from draining environments or pushing back against demanding work expectations, she’s learning that peace sometimes comes at the expense of being liked, which is a trade-off she’s willing to make.
Here, Delilah Holliday shares her tips for protecting your peace and living a soft life.
Set Boundaries
Protecting your peace means setting boundaries, not getting drawn into other people’s chaos. Sometimes that can look quite mean, but when your peace has been tested a lot in your life, you have to have quite strict boundaries. For me, it looks like just prioritising yourself, taking time for something that other people would find silly, like getting a matcha, but for you, it’s just taking that time, being intentional with your time and not spending it with the wrong people, places or things.
I have been a people pleaser all my life. I’ve tried to be agreeable. I’ve tried to do the right thing. But ultimately, you can’t help people from an empty cup. I think it’s actually a minor trade-off to be perceived as difficult. If you have peace, that’s my value system. You are going to unsettle a lot of people to protect your peace, but that’s how it goes.
Learn What To Say No To
I’ve had to learn to say no to a lot of things, like invitations to places. For me, it’s even been alcohol and things like that. I’m still on this journey, but I think it’s about pinpointing what’s detrimental to your mental health, what’s detrimental to your quality of life.
The things that I have sacrificed are maybe going to certain environments that will just leave me feeling lost and drained, and engaging in certain activities that will just leave me feeling empty inside.
Make Your Soft Life Intentional
My perfect day would be to get some nice brunch to eat, have a lie-in, then get some nice brunch, go get matcha and go shopping. I would love to do that, preferably somewhere quiet. So, boutiques and things like that around Soho, not Oxford Street.
And then get some more food, so it’s basically eating all day and drinking matcha, and going to Pilates, doing something that’s exercise because you get the endorphin release as well, and then maybe ending it with a spa day.
It’s so intentional. I think you have to be so intentional when you’re on the quest for peace, because not everybody takes that time out to question the chaos in their lives. We all have it, even if we are trying to find peace. We all have the chaos, but it’s about how we deal with it.
Make Rest a Non-Negotiable
I still struggle with this, but I think, again, it goes back to boundaries. People that you work with, just communicating that you can’t do certain things.
And also literally forcing yourself to rest, saying, mentally, if you can get time off work. I know it’s really hard for a lot of different people, but even the weekend, whenever you have a day off, just saying, “This is my rest day. I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I’m literally just going to lie in bed.”
I’m not going to promote doom-scrolling, but I know everyone does it. Or read a book. I’m going to read a book in bed. I’m just going to stay in bed and get a takeaway and rest and just try and replenish yourself. So that’s how I do it. I’m still working on that.
Get Offline
I protect my energy by not giving in to pressure to post myself and become an influencer, basically. That’s one of the reasons why my social media is very quiet. I only post if I have effects to do with work, because I don’t think everyone has good intentions, especially with the internet.
I try to only be visible when it’s really necessary. I don’t share my good news with people. I try to keep everything I’m doing to myself. I’m a very quiet person, and I think it’s a test in this day and age because you’re meant to show all your achievements all the time.
You’re meant to show, you know, if you are going to get a matcha, if you are going to do Pilates. But part of the joy of protecting your peace is going, “I’m doing this for the sake of myself, and I don’t need validation from anyone. I don’t need anyone to know that I’m doing this.”
If you just try it out and go, “I’m just going to do this, I’m going to keep it to myself,” like the good old days, it actually really does work. It just makes it so much more beneficial for you.
Learn What to Tolerate
There are a lot of things I used to tolerate. If I’m being honest, it’s maybe work relationships and friendships. Again, it goes back to people-pleasing. I would be friends with people who would talk down to me and might mask it as a joke, and demand things off of me that I couldn’t live up to.
Now I just don’t tolerate it at all. It just gives you that inner strength back. You’re not going to be the most popular person for essentially cutting people off, but I would always rather burn a bridge than have a chaotic mind.
I think that’s my absolute non-negotiable: I have to be at peace.
Prioritise and Treat Yourself
I think you should prioritise yourself. Trust your intuition. And I would say, treat yourself if you can, whatever that is.
It doesn’t have to be materialistic or financial. It could literally be going to a park and just saying, “Every day this week, I’m going to do a lap of my local park,” if you can get access to it, or just going to nature wherever you have access to. Making that time, like, “I’m going to go sit in nature,” whether that’s a beach, forest or park.
Treat yourself to something that you have access to.
